jenkins-crew

Damn, I am dreading that day, but I know it's coming

NYT-OWL

problems between you and Amber?

dazygirl415

I'm thinking issues w/his ex and their son.

NYT-OWL

I hate it when bitches use kids like that. The really sad part is that the court system is too stupid to see it and they actually reward women no matter what. In retrospect, I can't see any incentive for a guy to ever get married. With the way things are now, a woman can marry a guy and have a child. She can then pretty much do whatever she wants. If the guy doesn't want to put up with her, the only out he has is to pay her money on a regular basis through child-support and/or alimony. The woman can do no wrong in the eyes of the court, which is total bullshit.

dazygirl415

Hey hey now, both men and women to their own share of dirty work. I'm sure most people don't go into a relationship, especially marriage, with the intent of hurting the other person. Where's the faith?

NYT-OWL

What is the advantage from the males point of view to get married that he can't get from just living with the girl?

dazygirl415

Well I for one do not plan on living with a guy again until we're totally serious and practically committed and there will be no family until there is a ring on my finger. Wouldn't you be concerned that your girl would up and leave you if you didn't commit? What if she was the center of your universe? Wouldn't she be worth hanging on to?

NYT-OWL

If she would just up and leave me, then I would prefer that it happen without me having to go to court. Why would she be worth hanging on to if she wanted to leave? See, there are advantages for the girl to get married, but not from the guys point of view.

Ajax

I've found that every time you make a girl the center of your universe, it collapses in on itself. It's just not smart. You spend your entire time trying to make someone else happy and you're constantly miserable.

Bending over backwards for someone should only be necessary in emergencies. The rest of the time, a relationship should be mutual enough where neither side has to and neither side feels like they are unfairly giving more than they should. Granted, I've never had a relationship that worked like that for more than a few days, but that would be the ideal situation.

Furthermore, I've got to agree on the living together thing. I was totally serious with a girl a few years ago so she moved in with me. We were done within a month. Honestly, you should try to live together before you get married just because there are some little intricacies of spending most of your time with your significant other that you just cant have without doing that. And if you get married before you do, you're then committed to eachother and if you cant make things work, you're done. Sad, but true.

That is all.

dazygirl415

Perhaps the "center of universe" statement is being taken the wrong way. I think that in order for a relationship to work, both people have to lead independant lives. You can't make your life dependant on someone else's. What I meant was that everyone deserves to be wanted and loved by someone so much that the person could not imagine life without them. See the difference?

You know I agree that relationships should be mutual. We've had this discussion before.

Living with someone tells you a lot about them and you learn things that you wouldn't have otherwise. But I don't think it's something that should be taken so lightly. I see too many people living together after knowing each other for a month!!! If you're serious about each other, sure, move in and test the living situation out. I think you should do this before you're married otherwise you could be screwed! (pardon the pun)

Ajax

Well ok then. Sounds pretty good.

Now.. who's up for killin babies?!

NYT-OWL

Dazy, you still haven't presented a positive for the guy to get married. I just don't see the incentive. From what I'm reading, a guy can have all the advantages of living with someone that marriage would give him, but without the downside of a divorce.

dazygirl415

I understand what you're saying and you make a valid point, N-O. Why get married when you can have your cake and eat it too? Marriage has become more of a sign of committment and is done for "formality" reasons such as insurance, the ability to make health decisions, etc. Call me old fashioned, but I think that when a man and woman are committed to each other, the next step is marriage. It kind of makes it "official." In theory, a person gets married once and that's it. I know that's not how it REALLY happens, but why would someone go into a marriage already concerned about divorce?

NYT-OWL

If you were getting married for insurance purposes, you can actually do a hetero-sexual "gay marriage" as a co-worker calls it. He got his live-in girlfriend under our company's insurance policy by registering her as his domestic partner. Granted, I know that some marriages do work, my parents have been married for over 36 years, but that happened a long time ago when people actually believed in long term marriages and divorces were very few. Now, with the way everything is, especially with how easy it is for the woman to get out of a marriage and end up with some extra income in the form of child support or alimony. I can't see any reason why a guy would want to get married. If they were to change the laws to actually catch up with today's times of dual income families in which women are actually in the work force, to take away all the benefits that a woman gets by getting a divorce, then I might reconsider. The way it stands, the woman can walk away totally debt free and might actually get the house, a car and support money. Marriage and divorce are both benificial to the woman, thus the reason why so many women are pressured by their families and friends to get married, just like Valentines Day.

ALWAZL8

Unfortunately for those of us who actually do believe in the institution of marriage and working at making it work (because it IS work from what I hear), there aren't many men OR women out there anymore who take it seriously enough. I, for one, only plan to go through the whole wedding thing 1 TIME and I want it to be for real and not just to be doing it (I haven't waited this long for nothing). I'm NOT gonna marry for anybody's money, I WANT to be loved and respected and I, in turn, will give the same.

N-O, stop being a hard-***! Not every woman is like your ex..... just like not every man is like my ex-fiance'.

jenkins-crew

It is work, but you really have to find the right person. If both don't work at it, it will be over very quickly. Learned that in my first one.

dazygirl415

Completely agree on both counts!

Agree again!

NYT-OWL

You can still love and respect someone as well as recieve the same from a live-in. My whole point on this is ..... What is the advantages of getting married vs. living with a girlfriend?

dazygirl415

Security?

Did we forget that in Texas, after living with someone for 6 months you're considered married by common-law? If you have shared property (house, kids, etc.), unless you both agree on who gets what, you have to go through a formal divorce to split up the assets.

NYT-OWL

Get multiple roommates then no one has to worry about getting married. And do a pre-nump.

jenkins-crew

That takes care of that.......

dazygirl415

If it was that easy then why bring up the topic to debate in the first place? Way to go N-O...

ALWAZL8

Each person will look at this differently....

Personally, I want the whole deal. I refuse to "share" (and you all know what's meant by that).... I want to give and receive the one symbol that lets everyone else know that I am/he is NO LONGER AVAILABLE/single. I want to know that the person I'm living with is going to be the same one who will be with me when I die.

dazygirl415

We think so much alike, it's scary. The boys better watch out!!!

oh, yeah, vodka is kicking in!!!

jenkins-crew

Drinkin already huh.....